Limericks

May 20, 2017
Originally published on May 21, 2017 12:39 am
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the beautiful Mann Center in Philadelphia on June 29. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

SEAN DIXON GUMM: Hi, this is Sean from Salem, Mass.

SAGAL: Salem, Mass. I know it well. Salem was in the news this week when Donald Trump called the prosecution of him - or the potential prosecution - a witch hunt and your congressman, Seth Moulton, said, I represent Salem. It's not a witch hunt.

(LAUGHTER)

DIXON GUMM: That's pretty true. Salem is pretty much the only town where you can say my mother-in-law rides a broom and people take it as a compliment.

SAGAL: Yeah, I understand. Well, Sean, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks you will be a winner. Ready to play?

DIXON GUMM: Since I was born.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Big talker, sir, big talker. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: While others are parched and might totter, my app is a fancy tap spotter. Wherever I go, I can find H2O because I've got a subscription for...

DIXON GUMM: Water.

SAGAL: Right.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Water. A company called Reefill in Manhattan is offering members-only access to water fountains around the city. Now, you're probably thinking, huh, drinking fountains for some people but not everyone. That Jeff Sessions works quickly. But no...

FAITH SALIE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...It's not like that. It's a start-up. For a monthly fee of...

(LAUGHTER)

JANELLE JAMES: We start stocking it now.

SAGAL: Yeah. For a monthly fee of $3, you can access 200 fountains around Manhattan. Your smartphone activates the fountain and you drink. But by not paying $3 a month, you can drink from all the other fountains in New York. Subscribers to Reefill will also receive a reusable water bottle which is completely collapsable, which means you'll be able to get it small enough to fit in an average New York apartment.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: I'm a scavenging bird, but I'm cultured. I look pretty and prim, like a sculpture. Dead creatures I take up, but not without makeup. I'm a vain and a looks-obsessed...

DIXON GUMM: Vulture.

SAGAL: Yes, vulture.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, Sean. According to biologists, some vultures in Africa regularly use mud as a form of makeup. They use it to paint their normally white faces red and brown. Now, I know what you're thinking - African birds and blackface. Jeff Sessions gets around. But no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's called cosmetic coloration, something animals do to attract mates and conform to the patriarchy's unrealistic standards of beauty.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's hard enough for vultures. All they do is eat roadkill. Now they have judgy (ph) ornithologists slut-shaming them for putting red mud on their faces.

TOM BODETT: They're probably just compensating for their breath, don't you think?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

JAMES: Something literally died inside of them (laughter).

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Exactly. OK, Sean, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: From that fashion and high-end perfumer gang comes a product for which no consumer rang. It's a bent throwing stick with a neat homing trick. Chanel makes a luxury...

DIXON GUMM: Boomerang.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Oh, you had that ready.

KURTIS: Wow.

SAGAL: Very good. Chanel has created the perfect accessory to go with your Gucci shoes and Versace catapult.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The $2,000 boomerang is made of wood and resin and features the famous Chanel logo in the center.

JAMES: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: It's perfect if you...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's perfect if you're hunting kangaroos on Rodeo Drive or you just want to throw something at a Kardashian and that will both hurt and impress them.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: So is this just, like, Chanel - they just have, like, these think sessions where it's like, OK, what can we just, like, put our logo on and charge 2,000 bucks for?

JAMES: Sounds like it.

BODETT: They toss out ideas, you know?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Like, cups? No, everybody does cups. You know, it's just - how about a boomerang?

SALIE: Well...

BODETT: Well, I don't - is anybody else doing boomerangs?

SALIE: Tom, they tossed out that idea and it came right back to them.

BODETT: There it is.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SALIE: It was a keeper.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sean do? Was he, in fact, ready to play?

KURTIS: Three - was he ever. Three out of three, Sean.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Sean.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bye-bye, Sean. Thanks for playing.

DIXON GUMM: Thanks so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BOOMERANG")

CAROLE KING: (Singing) If you want to give your heart, don't be afraid to try. Love is like a boomerang. It comes right back to you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.