Limericks

Apr 1, 2017
Originally published on April 1, 2017 1:00 pm
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago or our May 11 show in Salt Lake City. Hey, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KATELYN RICE: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

RICE: This is Katie. I'm from Stanton, Va.

SAGAL: Stanton, Va. - where is that?

RICE: It is just west of Charlottesville, Va.

SAGAL: Ok, Charlottesville - OK, so central - it's beautiful there, right?

RICE: Yeah, oh, yeah. It's beautiful.

SAGAL: And what do you do...

RICE: It's a little chilly right now but nice.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. What do you do there?

RICE: I actually work at the ski resort Wintergreen.

SAGAL: Wintergreen.

RICE: I work in the cash office counting deposits all day.

SAGAL: Oh, that's fun.

RICE: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is not fun.

RICE: (Laughter) It is tedious.

SAGAL: It is tedious. Do you have...

AMY DICKINSON: Katie, wait - how...

LUKE BURBANK: Not if you start taking the money.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show, Katie. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks you will be a winner. You ready to play?

RICE: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Liquid bread is reality here. You may jest, but our challenge is clear. Our company's goal is to take your old rolls and to brew a spectacular...

RICE: Beer.

SAGAL: Yes, beer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yet another story proving you can make beer out of any random garbage, a brewery in Scotland is taking stale bread rolls and turning them into blonde beer. They're called Hardtack, proving the old adage, one man's garbage is another man's best night of the week.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So yeah, over the years on this show we've done a number of stories about surprising things that people are making beer out of, including bacteria from hipster beards, chemically treated wastewater and female private parts. That is all true.

DICKINSON: No, stop it.

SAGAL: That is true.

BURBANK: And all of that is just Bud Light.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What is it about brewers who see this stuff - I'm going to make beer out of that.

DICKINSON: Wait, vagina beer?

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah. You have not lived until you've tried a vagina mono-lager (ph).

DICKINSON: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Can I just say to the home brewers of the world, other than stories about cat dreams, there's almost nothing I want to hear less than about your homebrewing operations.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's true.

DICKINSON: (Laughter) True, true.

BURBANK: I mean, I'm glad you're doing it. I'm really proud of you. I know you moved all the stuff out of the garage so you could set up your workstation. I'm sure the beer is great. But can we just all not talk about it anymore, please?

GREG PROOPS: It's true. It's better to listen to marijuana growers' stories because they forget halfway through what they're talking about.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: We don't care what size baggage you're checking, but please dress well, United is begging. You're affecting our brand by your negligent standby. You can't fly because you're both wearing...

RICE: Leggings.

SAGAL: Leggings, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. This week, United Airlines caused an outcry on social media when they banned two teenage girls from flying because they were wearing stretch pants, not actual trousers? Can't have that kind of revealing clothing in an airplane. Now kindly step through this TSA body scanner...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...That gives us all a photograph of your naked body.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The girls, it turns out, were traveling on a buddy pass with a United employee and were expected, therefore, to meet the company dress code, which is why they were taken aside. It makes sense. If they were traveling by train, they were expected to wear their overalls and adorable conductor caps.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Either someone is pulling our leg or Easter got brought down a peg. This lady did well when she cracked a round shell. A diamond was found in her...

RICE: Leg.

SAGAL: Not quite.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That would've been painful.

SAGAL: She cracked a round shell.

RICE: Egg.

SAGAL: Yes, in her egg.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

RICE: Oh, OK.

KURTIS: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In what could be the world's first ever marriage proposal from a chicken, a woman in England found a diamond inside her hard-boiled egg. Experts believe the chicken probably ate the diamond, where it followed the natural path to the breakfast plate. It's also possible the woman misread the recipe and instead of boiling the egg for eight minutes, she boiled it for 8 million years...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...And all that heat and pressure turned the yolk into a diamond.

DICKINSON: So it was a loose diamond.

SAGAL: In an egg. The woman who found it says the diamond was a good sign for her upcoming wedding. You know what they always say, a couple that can turn a chicken butt into a diamond dispenser stays together.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Katie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Katie did great. A little pause, but she's a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Katie.

RICE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you. Thanks for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIAMOND")

RIHANNA: (Singing) Shine bright like a diamond, shine bright like a diamond. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.