Arts & Culture
5:00 am
Sat February 22, 2014

Jade City Pharaoh - Sanctuary (Season 2, Ep. 4)

Jade City Pharaoh
Credit Luis Franco / http://francoproject.com/

As a crime fighter, Herald Jones knows not every moment of a heroes life is filled with adventure. Sometimes he has to run errands just like the rest of us -- except he can fly and we can't. But even a simple trip to the bank can turn to danger for the Jade City Pharaoh.

Jade City Pharaoh, Season 2, Episode 4: Sanctuary

Jade City Pharaoh stars Mike Wiley.  The series is written by Howard Craft, with music by the Apple Juice Kid. WUNC's Frank Stasio is the producer/director. Follow our hero on Twitter: @JadeCityWarrior and on Facebook.

Cast:

  • Mike Wiley as Herald MF Jones
  • Elisabeth Corley Megel as Bank Teller Katie Smith
  • Michael Beadle as The Mad Nabber

Episode Script:

SOUND: FLIGHT

Being a super hero has it's perks. For example after keeping Hammer Head Sharky, a block headed cyborg mutant, from knocking down a wall in the Magic Johnson Movie Theatre; I can get into all movies even ones in 3D for five dollars on Tuesday.  But the best perk of all is not having to wait in line at the bank on Friday. (Plus I get free checking and overdraft protection.)

(Sound of flight landing.)

Location: Bank Interior

TELLER
Good afternoon Mr. Jones.  What can we do for you today?

JONES
I need to make a withdrawal.

TELLER
Do you have your bank card?

JONES
No, I was rushing to a car accident when I changed clothes this morning and left it on my dresser.

TELLER
No problem Mr. Jones.  Do you have your driver's license?

JONES
I'm not driving, I'm flying.

TELLER
I understand that Mr. Jones, but if you don't have proper ID, I can't let you make a withdrawal.

JONES
You know I'm Herald Jones, right?

TELLER
Of course, my grandson had a Herald Jones birthday party last year.

JONES
So if you know I'm Herald Jones why can't you give me my money?

TELLER
 The rules are what they are, bank policy Mr. Jones, for your protection.

JONES
Protecting me from impersonating myself??? Look, I got to fly cross-town to pay my water bill by five.  So in the words of Sweet Brown: (Music) "Ain't nobody got time for-"

Sound Effect:  An explosion.

CORNWALLIS
Everyone, on the bloody floor now!!!

JONES
You picked the wrong bank (bleep)

HERALD JONES THEME MUSIC, then punches, kicks, furniture crashes, then a machine gun.

MAD NABBER (English accent)
Black bloke in green! Could you stop pummeling my mates please!?

Sound effect: pistol is cocked

TELLER
I don't want to die!  Don't shoot me!

MAD NABBER
Trust me darling I don't want to do it.  But I need for this charming chap here to cool his jets.

Sound effect: Dropping of bodies.

JONES
Who are you?

MAD NABBER
Well I'm not Robin Hood, though you're kind of dressed like him. I'm the Mad Nabber.  I see things that I want and I nab them.  (Sound effect.) Never grab them, that's what Americans do. I nab which is much more polite, sophisticated as well I should think. I take it you're a super hero or some psychotic reject from an American reality TV show.

JONES
I'm your worst nightmare.

MAD NABBER
There's competition for that actually. Last night, I dreamed a man dressed as your Cookie Monster was chasing me through a Walmart with yellow rubber gloves on screaming profanities in Russian.  

Sound effect:  gun shot, the teller screams

MAD NABBER
If you move again, well, I'll be forced to turn love's face into something far less appealing.

TELLER
Please…

MAD NABBER
Now, Cromwell! Cornwallis!  I see your sacks are full?   Out the way we came then.

Sound effect:  explosion, sounds of smoke grenade.  Teller screams, coughing, police sirens

JONES
(Coughing) I got you.  You okay?

TELLER
(Coughing) Fine.  He got away?

JONES
For now, but I'm double mad.  He messed with my money and now there's no way I can pay my water bill by five.  Can I get a shower at your house?

Theme music.

End Episode.