Limericks

Jun 24, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago. Or how about next week's show, June 29 outdoors at the beautiful Mann Center in Philadelphia? Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

MELISSA HART: Hi. This is Melissa Hart from Denver, Colo.

SAGAL: Hey, Melissa. How are you?

HART: I'm doing great, thanks. How are you?

SAGAL: I am doing terrific. I love Denver. We were just there a few weeks ago. What do you do there?

HART: Well, I'm a mom here in Denver. And I'm a law professor up in Boulder.

SAGAL: Oh, really? So you're at the University of Colorado?

HART: Yep, exactly.

SAGAL: Right, right, right. And what kind of law do you teach?

HART: I teach employment discrimination. I run our Constitutional Law Center. And I do everything I can to get our law students out in the community doing access to justice stuff.

SAGAL: Oh, well, that's really good stuff.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: So what you're saying is Jeff Sessions doesn't like you at all.

HART: Not at all.

SAGAL: No, not at all. Well, Melissa, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

HART: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Oh, no. I just saw some fluked tails. All right, mates, let's place the main sales. Do not let our fish be the sea mammal's dish. We'll not lose our haul to the...

HART: Whales?

SAGAL: Yes, to the whales.

KURTIS: Whales it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Killer whales are stalking Alaskan fishing boats trying to get a piece of the action. They're intelligently assembling and swarming boats in groups. Once the fishermen have a full catch, they block the boats. They snatch fish directly from the lines. And they even sometimes stuff the fishermen into the gear lockers.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: So they went from, like, working at SeaWorld to just thugging.

SAGAL: Yeah, they're thugging.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're out there. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Lyft's pulling a fast one - discuss. Their shuttle won't please most of us. A firmly set route with low fares to boot. This ride share is just a big...

HART: Bus.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. Lyft, as I'm sure you know, is the other ride sharing company, the one with little pink mustaches and without the sexual harassment lawsuits.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this week, they unveiled their latest innovation in transportation, the Lyft Shuttle. It's a bold concept. It is a vehicle - get this - that picks up multiple passengers at set pickup points along a specific pre-set route and then drops them off at other set points. That's right, this modern day of Silicon Valley just invented the bus.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Do you think this is part of Lyft's movement to get more people to not like them?

SAGAL: Yeah. They were like...

BABYLON: Like they're so far behind Uber in being hated, they're like, well, we've got to do something.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: And they probably make everybody sit on the front seat of that bus too and talk a lot.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Our relationship's end seems pre-written, but once more, I want you to feel smitten. See how happy you get when you look at small pets? Look at me, and then look at a...

HART: Kitten?

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, a kitten.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: New research out this week says the secret to a long, healthy relationship - well, it's sending each other cute pictures of puppies and kittens. The study, published on an eighth grader's Tumblr page...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Found that couples that viewed pictures of cute animals sort of transferred those happy, warm feelings to their significant others.

BABYLON: I've been doing that for...

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: That's how I suck them in.

SAGAL: Really?

BABYLON: You just - a puppy pic? Come on, man.

SAGAL: Really, that's what you do? That's like...

BABYLON: Yes, I've done that multiple times. Like, you send her, like, a text and they're like, puppy time.

SAGAL: So really?

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: So that's how you get with people. You're like, hi, I'm Brian.

BABYLON: And it's like LOL you're so crazy LOL. You're so crazy. What's up?

PHOEBE ROBINSON: Wait. So you send a puppy picture...

BABYLON: Yeah.

ROBINSON: ...And they go, LOL you're so crazy...

BABYLON: And then it's like...

ROBINSON: ...At the most basic thing. They're like that is insane you would send me a puppy pic.

BABYLON: Yes.

ROBINSON: And then clothes off.

ALONZO BODDEN: Brian. Brian.

ROBINSON: What is this wizardry that you're doing it?

BODDEN: Now be careful how you answer this because there is a risk of prosecution, but...

BABYLON: What?

BODDEN: ...Just how young are these girls you're sending puppy pics to?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Because I date full-grown women. And the puppy pic is not no...

BABYLON: Try it. I'm telling you. It speaks to - take my course.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBINSON: Are they 22?

BABYLON: No. These are adults. These are post-divorcees. Everybody loves puppies.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They - in order to test this, they had some couples communicate with each other and send puppy pics and kitten pics and then take a, you know, take a quiz about their feelings. And for a control, they had other people look at pictures of shirt buttons, the most neutral thing they could think of. So at the end...

BODDEN: So a puppy pic works better than a shirt button?

SAGAL: Yes.

BODDEN: I don't need your class, Brian.

BABYLON: No, you don't.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I already knew that.

SAGAL: There you are. Bill, how did Melissa do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Melissa was great, all three right.

SAGAL: Well done, Melissa.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing.

HART: Thank you.

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF THE METERS' "STAY AWAY") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.