Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jun 24, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. The correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score?

BILL KURTIS: Alonzo has 3. Phoebe has 4. Brian has 2.

SAGAL: All right, so let me get this right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: OK, Brian, you're in third place. You're up first. Fill in the blank. In the most expensive House election in history, Karen Handel defeated Jon Ossoff to take over the sixth congressional seat in blank.

BRIAN BABYLON: That was in Georgia.

SAGAL: It was.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Donald Trump tweeted that he did not make recordings of his conversations with blank.

BABYLON: Comey.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the FBI said they were investigating the stabbing of a police officer at an airport in blank as a possible act of terrorism.

BABYLON: Michigan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, King Salman of blank named his son the country's new crowned prince.

BABYLON: Saudi Arabia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Cristoforo Colombo Airport in Italy announced this week that blank would be exempted from the liquid ban.

BABYLON: Wine.

SAGAL: No, pesto. On Wednesday, George Clooney revealed that he had sold his blank business for almost a billion dollars.

BABYLON: Tequila.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Customers at a deli in Pittsburgh were unsure how to interpret...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...A new sign near the register asking people to please not blank.

BABYLON: Please not sneeze.

SAGAL: No. The sign said, please refrain from discussing mathematics.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No one knows why the deli owner took the time to have a sign professionally printed asking customers not to talk about math. High school math teachers, though, are excited to finally have an answer to that persistent question from students - when am I ever going to use this stuff? Well, you're going to use it to annoy the owner of a small deli in Pittsburgh, Timmy. So sit down and do your homework. Bill, how did Brian do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Pretty good. Brian got 5 right, 10 more points, total to 12. He moves into the lead.

SAGAL: All right. Well done, Brian. That was very respectable.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Alonzo, then, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Travis Kalanick, the embattled CEO of blank, announced his resignation.

ALONZO BODDEN: Uber.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the American Heart Association released a report saying that blank oil is not healthy.

BODDEN: Olive oil.

SAGAL: No, coconut oil. When asked by police how much she had had to drink, a Florida woman responded blank.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: The trick in that is Florida, which means...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, it could be anything.

BODDEN: It could be anything from 0 to 18 gallons.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: So the cops pulled her over for drunk driving?

SAGAL: They said, how much did you have to drink? And she said - this is a lightning round.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's not what she said. I'm pointing it out.

BODDEN: She said nothing.

SAGAL: No, she said not enough. According to a new report, blank may help stave off the effects of Alzheimer's.

BODDEN: Marijuana.

SAGAL: Extra virgin olive oil.

BODDEN: I used that in a different question.

SAGAL: I know. This week, blank...

BODDEN: I'm doing horribly, Peter. Can we start over?

SAGAL: Yeah I know. This week, blank and blank welcomed their new twins to the world.

BODDEN: Oh, Beyonce and Jay-Z.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Kansas man who robbed a bank hoping to go to jail because he wanted to get away from his wife...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Has been sentenced to blank.

BODDEN: House arrest.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Back in 2015, Lawrence Ripple robbed a bank. And then he waited patiently in the front steps for police to arrive. When they did, he told them he'd rather be in jail than spend anymore time with his wife. Ripple faced up to 37 months in prison. And this week, the judge threw the book at him, sentencing him to six months of home confinement. The ACLU has already offered to take on his appeal pro bono, calling the verdict a textbook case of cruel and hilarious punishment. Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Alonzo got 3 right.

BODDEN: Tough day at the office.

SAGAL: Yeah.

KURTIS: Six more points. Total of 9. That's just short of Brian.

SAGAL: All right. How many then - this is exciting - for Phoebe to come onto the show and when her first time here?

PHOEBE ROBINSON: I'm so stressed out, oh, my God.

KURTIS: Four to tie, 5 to win.

SAGAL: Here you go, Phoebe. You can do this. This is for the game. According to a homeland security official, 21 states had their election systems targeted by hackers from blank last year.

ROBINSON: Russia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week electric car company blank announced plans to launch a new streaming music service.

ROBINSON: Tesla.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, regulators moved to block a merger between fantasy sports betting sites FanDuel and blank.

ROBINSON: Because I would know the answer to that.

SAGAL: Yeah. It's DraftKings. Who knew that you were a fan?

ROBINSON: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAGAL: Despite widespread criticism, NBC aired Megyn Kelly's interview with conspiracy theorist blank on Sunday.

ROBINSON: Oh, Alex Jones.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a nude sunbather in Australia was injured...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...When an eagle blanked.

ROBINSON: Bit him?

SAGAL: Yes. I'm going to give it to you.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Specifically, the eagle, apparently, mistook his naked bits for a pair of turtle eggs...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...And tried to fly away with them.

ROBINSON: Yeah, you know what?

SAGAL: What?

ROBINSON: Good for him.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROBINSON: That's a compliment. That is a compliment.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: And, you know, I'm going to be honest. Turtle eggs are a delicacy.

SAGAL: Apparently.

KURTIS: They are now.

SAGAL: According to the clinic, the treat of the sunbather - it's likely that the application of white sunblock tricked the eagle into thinking the man's equipment, if you will, were delicious turtle eggs with, I guess, a side of sausage?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: You know what the eagle said when he saw that? He's like, ballin (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, the clinic - the clinic says the man's going to be fine, but the eagle may never recover from the trauma.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Phoebe do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got 4 right for 8 more points. That's a total of 12. So Phoebe and Brian are this week's co-champions.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.