Lightning Fill In The Blank

Feb 18, 2017
Originally published on February 18, 2017 11:45 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Roy and Tom each have three, and our newcomer Alexandra has four.

SAGAL: Oh, my goodness.

(APPLAUSE)

ALEXANDRA PETRI: How did that happen?

SAGAL: Well, we flipped a coin. Roy has elected to go first. So, Roy, the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, Andy Puzder withdrew his nomination to be secretary of blank.

ROY BLOUNT JR: Labor.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BLOUNT: I was afraid I was going to have to remember Puzder. Puzder...

SAGAL: No.

BLOUNT: ...I've been saying Puzder.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, a federal judge denied a request to halt construction on the blank.

BLOUNT: Pipe - oil pipeline.

SAGAL: Yeah, Dakota Access Pipeline.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BLOUNT: Right.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the Senate voted to block a regulation preventing mentally ill people from purchasing blanks.

BLOUNT: Firearms.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new report from Britain's Channel Two, police are likely to bring bribery charges against Israeli president blank.

BLOUNT: Netanyahu.

SAGAL: Right. This week, police in India busted a man for trying to smuggle 12 gold bars in his pants after they spotted him blanking.

BLOUNT: Sitting down real heavy.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Quote, "walking in a funny manner." This week, Hasbro announced that it was removing the thimble from its classic game blank.

BLOUNT: The thimble. That evokes a vague memory of my childhood that I don't remember.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Monopoly.

SAGAL: Yes. There you go. Wow.

PETRI: Does Monopoly...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BLOUNT: It is Monopoly? Oh, good.

KURTIS: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

BLOUNT: The thimble? Oh.

SAGAL: Yeah. On Sunday, Sears and Kmart announced they would no longer carry blank branded products.

BLOUNT: Trump.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After a long chase, police in Canada were still unable to catch a man who drove blank through a McDonald's drive-thru.

BLOUNT: Drove a - what do you call those things? - drone.

SAGAL: No, he drove a ATV towing two drunk men on a couch.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Sure.

TOM BODETT: As you do.

PETRI: Yeah.

SAGAL: As one does.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sure it's a common sight in Vermont.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The ATV pulled into the drive-thru around 3 a.m. but barely had time to place its order before officers turned on their sirens and a chaise ensued.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You have to unscrew the legs of the sofa or they dig in.

SAGAL: Yeah. A police spokesman said, "the guys on the couch were wearing helmets," quote.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So...

PETRI: It's good they thought about safety.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly what the cops said. Safety was something important.

BLOUNT: Wait a minute, guys. I'm not doing this until you go back in the house, get your helmet and put it on. Oh, come on.

BODETT: I'm sure they were hockey helmets.

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how did Roy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Pretty good - six right, 12 more points. He has a total of 15 and the lead.

SAGAL: Yeah.

KURTIS: A healthy lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Tom, you're up next. Fill in the blank. citing credibility issues, MSNBC's "Morning Joe" announced this week that they would no longer book interviews with blank.

BODETT: The O'Connor - Connor, Katie Connor - Kellyanne Conway.

SAGAL: There you are.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODETT: There it is, yeah.

SAGAL: On Wednesday...

BODETT: I was tartling (ph) her.

SAGAL: You were.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, President Trump said that a blank solution was not required for peace in the Middle East.

BODETT: Two-state.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, authorities in Malaysia arrested several suspects in the death of blank's half brother.

BODETT: Kim Jong Un.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Businesses throughout the country closed their doors on Thursday as part of the day without blanks protest.

BODETT: Immigrants.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, TSA agents in South Carolina were able to stop blank from boarding a plane.

BODETT: Were able to stop - in South Carolina?

SAGAL: Yes.

BODETT: They were able to stop one of those camels from the...

SAGAL: No.

BODETT: ...The opera.

SAGAL: No, they were able to stop an 80-year-old woman who did not realize her cane had a hidden sword in it.

BODETT: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or so she says.

BLOUNT: Yeah, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Authorities lifted a mandatory evacuation order for people living near the Oroville Dam in blank on Tuesday.

BODETT: California.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, Chicago's own hip-hop star Chance the Rapper won best new artist at the blanks.

BODETT: The Grammys.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in France filed a $45 million lawsuit against Uber alleging that they inadvertently blanked.

BODETT: I have - I have - I have absolutely no idea.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He sued them because he says they inadvertently revealed to his wife that he was having an affair.

BODETT: That's where I was going to go with that.

SAGAL: I'm sure you were going to get in there. According to the suit, the man once used his wife's cell phone to hail a driver. And despite logging out, Uber continued to send her notifications about any trip he took from then on that include multiple rides to his mistress' house.

The man is now asking for $45 million in damages - 5 million for causing his divorce and 40 million to make up for all the conversations he had to have with UberX drivers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he got six right, 12 more points, exactly the same as - yeah, as Roy. These two guys are tied.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So how many, then, does Alexandra need to walk in here the first time and walk away with it?

KURTIS: Well, she needs only six to win.

SAGAL: All right, Alexandra.

KURTIS: You can do it, Alex.

SAGAL: This is for the game. Fill in the blank. This week, the Pentagon announced it was considering sending ground troops to blank.

PETRI: Syria - no.

SAGAL: Yes, it's Syria.

PETRI: Really? Oh, good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, health care giant Humana announced they would be pulling out of blank exchanges in 2018.

PETRI: Obamacare.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Susan Collins became the first Republican senator to announce she would vote against confirming Scott Pruitt as head of the blank.

PETRI: EPA.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the U.N. Security Council formally condemned blank's latest missile launch.

PETRI: The - North Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In an obituary published in Texas, the family of a deceased man paid tribute to him by writing blank.

PETRI: You were so beautiful, Earl.

SAGAL: No, they wrote...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...That the deceased, quote, "served no purpose, did not contribute to society and possessed no redeeming qualities."

(LAUGHTER)

PETRI: He sounds lovely.

SAGAL: I know. It's quite a corker of an obit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, a company in Oregon began a home delivery service for legal blank.

PETRI: Marijuana.

SAGAL: Of course.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new study, over 55,000 blanks in the U.S. are structurally unsound.

PETRI: Bridges.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A janitor in San Francisco who made $150,000 in overtime last year was called out after it was discovered that blank.

PETRI: He was not actually doing work, just watching Netflix at his post.

SAGAL: No, he was actually sitting in a closet. According to an investigation conducted by San Francisco's KTVU, the janitor who worked for the city's mass transit system claimed over 2,400 hours of overtime in 2015. Unfortunately, they also found he spent most of the time sitting in a storage closet at one of the stations.

PETRI: He was pretending to be the broom.

(LAUGHTER)

PETRI: If someone opens the door, I'm the broom.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Alexandra Petri do well enough to win?

KURTIS: She squeezed out a win, one point over the two men.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Whoa.

KURTIS: Sixteen.

SAGAL: She came. She saw. She did quite well. How do you feel?

PETRI: I feel like my points are worth .77 of their points though, so do I still actually...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.